


So it Goes Like This

by flyinghigh1223



Category: Catfish: The TV Show, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Catfish - Freeform, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Identity Swap, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-23 16:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyinghigh1223/pseuds/flyinghigh1223
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boy clears his throat. “Hello.”</p>
<p>He wipes his hands on his thighs and glances around before looking back to Niall. Niall can’t speak for a second, can’t understand why this complete stranger is talking to him right now. He looks around the boy, glances at the door. He really doesn’t want to miss Harley walking in. </p>
<p>“Hey,” he mutters. The boy gestures towards the booth.</p>
<p>“Do you mind if I have a seat?” he asks. Niall narrows his eyes up at him. Who the fuck is this kid?</p>
<p>“Yeah. I do actually, I’m waiting for someone,” he says. The boys’ face gets redder and Niall really wishes she would just show up now, really wishes this feeling in his gut would go away. It’s like something is pulling tight in his stomach and the longer this boy stands there the tighter it gets, almost painfully too tight.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know,” says the boy, sliding into the booth. “I’m Harley.”</p>
<p>Oh God.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Harley is everything Niall could want in a girl, until she isn't and Louis and Zayn are helplessly in love with each other and everyone pretends not to notice, themselves included.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Niall**

She’s so fucking pretty. 

Niall leans forward, eyes starting to burn from how hard and long he’s been staring at his computer screen. His room is hot and humid and for a second he wonders if maybe that’s just him because the conversation he’s having with his girl isn’t as innocent as it was when it started. He licks his lips, scrolls through her pictures as he waits for her to message him back.

_I like it so good and so deep._

“Oh shit,” he hisses, hand going under his desk to graze his fingers over his semi. Fuck, they’ve only just started and he’s already half hard. He honestly has no idea how she does this to him. She’ll have him hot and rolling with just a few dirty words.

**How deep, baby, tell me.**

_Until it hurts…until I can’t breathe._

He palms himself fully now, breath coming out just a bit faster. He blushes even though no one is around to see it. He’s done this before, has had internet sex, exchanged dirty text messages but she’s the only one who makes him feel like an amateur, like he could come with out even seeing her. 

**Fuck, tell me more.**

He unzips his pants, slides his hand in as he waits for her response. He’s almost fully hard now and all he needs is one good stroke and he’ll be there. All he needs is one more vivid detail from her and he’ll be ready to fuck into his hand until the sight of her pictures and her words get him over the edge.

Then his bedroom door slams open.

“Come on, Nialler, were going out tonight!”

Niall rips his hand out his pants so fast his wrist catches on his zipper. He hisses in pain, frowning at the red scratch there. Louis drops on his bed, Zayn not so far behind him.

“Having yourself a wank there? Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” says Louis but he sounds no where near apologetic and it irritates Niall a bit more than it probably should but then again he thinks he has a full right to be pissed off here.

“I wasn’t just having a wank, I was talking to Harley,” he mutters like its some kind of excuse. He hears Zayn, or maybe it’s Louis, snort behind him.

“And she was getting you off, huh?” It’s Zayn and he sounds super nonchalant but he guesses it’s because talking about things of the sexual kind is something the three of them do on the usual. The only sexual thing they don’t talk about is the sexual tension between Louis and Zayn. Half the time it makes Niall want to laugh the rest of the time it just makes him want to slit his own throat.

“She was, actually,” he says. He’s, unfortunately, not hard anymore when he gets her next message. Louis gags some where behind him and he and Zayn laugh like a bunch of little kids. Niall could care less because at least he has a girlfriend. Zayn and Louis are too into each to even come close to getting a girlfriend.

_That’s how I want you, fucking me so deep and hard, pushing into me until I see stars. You’d feel so good, making me come over and over again until the only thing I can hear, taste, and see is you. Until all I can say is your name and all I can do is think about you._

_Not that I don’t think about you all the time already._

Niall can barely breathe by the time he’s done reading it, his mouth is dry and he really wishes his friends hadn’t shown up because he’s pretty sure he would have ruined his jeans with just those words. He wipes his sweaty palms on his thighs and his dick twitches half heartedly in his jeans. He fucking hates Louis and Zayn.

**Wow, girl, you blow my mind. I want you so bad, to do all that and so much more, Harley, you have no idea. I think about you all the time too. I’ve never had someone that I constantly thought about and yet never met. I hate to do this but my friends just invited themselves in so I gotta go. Ill talk to you tonight though and we can start where we left off. ;)**

“I think he thinks he’s in love or something,” says Louis.

“That’s impossible, Louis, he’s never even met her,” snickers Zayn. Niall frowns, he hates it when they talk about him like he’s not there. Louis laughs out right and he can tell that Zayn is trying to muffle his own chuckles, he hates it when they laugh at him even more.

“Seriously, Niall, it’s probably not even a girl,” says Louis.

“Yeah,” agrees Zayn, “You’re totally being catfished.”

“Shut up, Zayn,” Niall snaps. “You didn’t even know what catfish was until that show aired.”

“Oh! We should get you on that show! Nev will get to the bottom of this!” shouts Louis. Niall rolls his eyes.

_So soon. I’m already missing you! Maybe later you can tell me more about how much you want me. Talk to you later, Niall, don’t think about me too much lol._

Niall lets a grin come to his lips, he’s already excited about the next time they talk. Knowing that she’ll be waiting to talk to him alone is enough to give him butterflies.

**I always think about you too much. I’ll talk to you tonight.**

“Niall,” hisses Louis. “If you don’t end that fucking conversation, we’ve been waiting forever!”

“We’ve only been waiting for ten minutes, Lou,” contradicts Zayn.

“That’s long enough! Hey, whose side are you on?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side, you’re always supposed to be on my side.”

“Why’s that?” 

Zayn’s tone is suddenly lower and Niall arches a brow at the change in atmosphere. He turns in his chair, Zayn is sitting up on the edge of the bed, arms supporting his weight behind him, his hands planted on the other side of Louis’s legs. His head is turned over his shoulder to stare down at Louis. Louis is laid out on Niall’s bed like it’s his own, resting on his back against Niall’s pillows, his legs crossed at the ankles. He’s messing around with Niall’s Rubik’s cube but his eyes aren’t on it. He’s looking up at Zayn and there just starting at each other.

He wonders for a second if he should say something to break the sudden tension or if he should just let this play out. Harley messages him back and that makes up his mind, he’ll just let it play out.

_Okay, don’t forget about me, I’ll be waiting for you._

**I could never forget about you.**

“Because we’re best friends,” Louis finally says. Zayn snorts and just like that things seem back to normal but when he turns around this time Zayn is looking up at the ceiling and Louis is still looking at Zayn like some kind of lost dog or something. He clears his throat. 

“So, what did you boys have planned for tonight?”

They end up going to the movies, he wishes they had gone paint balling, which is Niall’s absolute favorite besides talking to Harley. He sighs as they make their way to the food court, Louis and Zayn are bickering softly behind him and he rolls his eyes because that’s all they’ve been doing all day, probably ruined the movie for half the people in there.

“You guys fight like a married couple,” he grumbles when he takes his seat. Zayn sits next to him and it’s no surprise when Louis chooses to sit a crossed from him. He always has to sit some where near Zayn, they both pretend not to see it.

“I feel like someone told us that before,” mutters Louis.

“Well if he didn’t act like a twat all the time,” says Zayn. Louis pokes his tongue out but other than that doesn’t respond.

“So, are you ever going to meet this Harley chick?” asks Louis.

“If she’s even a chick,” adds Zayn. Niall shoves at him.

“She is a girl and she really is who she says she is. I trust her,” he says.

“You shouldn’t trust people over the internet,” Zayn says.

“Why haven’t you guys met yet? How long have you been talking to her, like a year?” asks Louis

“Year and a half,” Niall corrects.

“Damn, this just isn’t right, gotta meet her in person, man,” says Zayn.

“Yeah, pressure her into meeting up with you,” adds Louis.

That’s the last thing Niall wants to do, he would never want to pressure Harley into doing something that she wouldn’t want to do. He does want to meet her though, just so he can talk to her and see her pretty face in person. And to shut up his stupid friends. They’ve only talked about meeting once and she hadn’t wanted to, said she wasn’t quite ready for that yet. That was like 9 months ago, he wanted her to be the one to bring it up but she has to be ready by now right?

“Alright, I’ll ask her, but I’m not going to stop talking to her or accuse of her things if she doesn’t want to meet up,” he says.

“That’s fine, I guess, but I’m pretty sure you’re being played,” says Zayn.

“Or he could actually have true love on his hands here but your so cold hearted you probably don’t know what real love feels like,” Louis says suddenly. Zayn’s head snaps in Louis’s direction so fast that Niall is pretty sure he heard it crack.

“Sure I know what true love feels like, felt it pretty good between Perrie’s legs last night,” mutters Zayn, his voice is deep and his eyes are dark and the low blow sends shivers down Niall’s spine, he opens his mouth because this is suddenly so fast out of control, beyond their normal bickering.

Louis’s eyes narrow, his lips tightening into a thin line. Niall can see his pulse jumping fast and hard in his neck even from where he’s sitting and he honestly has no idea what’s suddenly gotten into them.

“So that’s where you were last night? With her?” 

Zayn shrugs and leans back in his chair like this isn’t a tense conversation right now. Louis nods as if he understands, eyes going off towards something else in the food court.

“Let’s go,” says Niall, pushing out his seat. The last thing he wants to do is sit in such an awkward atmosphere.

When he gets home his mom is already sleeping, the house an uncomfortable silence. He sits at his computer and wonders for a second if he should ask her tonight or just wait it off for a better day, its so late, what if she’s not ready.

No, they’ve been talking for so long, it’s time.

**Hey, you still up?**

She only takes a few minutes to message back.

_Said I would wait up for you, didn’t I?_

**Yeah, knew I could come back and you would be waiting for me. Hey, can we talk about something serious for a minute?**

_Sure, we can talk about anything you want, you know that._

Niall licks his lips, wipes his suddenly sweaty palms against his thighs.

**You know your kinda everything I’ve always wanted in a girl, sometimes I can’t believe your actually talking to me. I think I seriously have feelings for you, like nothing I’ve ever had with anyone else.**

_Wow, I wasn’t expecting that tonight but it doesn’t mean I don’t like it any less. I feel the same way, you make me feel so good, take me to a place I’ve never been. Some how, with out touching you or seeing you, I’ve gotten these really strong feelings for you, Niall._

Niall nods, his mouth is dry and he can’t believe their feelings are the same, that they have such a mutual connection over the internet. She has to be ready to meet him but he wants to take it one step further, to see if she’s in it as much as he is, to see if she’s in it for the long haul.

**I think I’m in love with you.**

Niall leans back into his chair, letting the air rush out of his lungs. His heart is pounding out of his chest and it feels like it takes forever for her to message him back, did he scare her off? Did he ruin this just by confessing his feelings to her? He feels like he’s going to throw up and he’s pretty sure if she doesn’t message him back in the next 30 seconds, he’s going to throw his computer out the window.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispers, he reaches for his phone, he needs to call Zayn or Louis, he needs to talk to someone. His computer beeps with a new message and he drops his phone on the floor.

_I think I’m in love with you too. Like every thing’s okay when I talk to you, I don’t think I’ll ever find this with anyone else._

Niall sighs and drops his head to his desk. He can feel a grin splitting his face in half. He places his hand over his chest, willing his heart to slow down. He sits there for a second, gets his breathing back under control before he lefts his head and writes her back.

**I wanna meet you, I wanna see you and touch you. I wanna be with you.**

She takes longer than he wishes she would when she gets back to him.

_I don’t think that’s a good idea._

Niall frowns.

**Why not? Don’t you want to see me in person?**

_Of course I do, Niall._

**Then meet with me.**

She takes even longer this time. He feels sicker with every minute that passes and for a second he wonders if he asked her some kind of scientific math equation or he asked her something that takes for ever to respond to. He paces his room, rubs his palms together, he’s pretty sure she isn’t going to message him back this time. He fucked this one up big time but was it that big of a deal that he wants to meet her? He wasn’t asking for too much was he? He sits back down, starts to message her again.

_Okay._

**Seriously?**

_Yeah, if that’s what you really want, I’ll give it to you. I’d probably give you everything if I could._

**You don’t want to? You’re making it sound like I’m the only one.**

_No, I want to, I want to so bad that I can’t stand it. Just set up a time and place and I’ll be there._

**Okay, how about tomorrow at Denny’s around seven, the one on Oakland Ave. it’s not romantic or anything but I can’t afford much more.**

_That’s fine, I guess I’ll see you then?_

**Absolutely, I can’t wait.**

_Can you tell me one more thing before we sign off?_

**Sure, anything.**

_Tell me you love me again, before our online dating ends._

**It’s only so our real life dating can begin!**

_Please, tell me again_ 

His hands sweat a bit but Niall doesn’t hesitate, not this time.

**I love you.**

She responds instantly.

_I love you too._

Niall sighs, running his fingers through his hair and letting a smile come to his face. He’s already nervous and he honestly can’t image how he’s going to feel tomorrow when he finally gets to meet her. He’s finally going to meet her. He pushes away from his desk and stands only to fall on his bed, burying his face in his pillow. He inhales as much as he can before he says her name softly into his pillow.

He’s _finally_ going to meet her.

Denny’s is packed when he pushes through the doors and he guesses he could have picked a better time, everyone is pushing in for their dinner. The hostess gives him a small booth by the window and it’s perfect because he’s facing the door so he can see her when she walks in.

When she’s fifteen minutes late he starts to worry, he bites at his lip, stares at the door as people walk in and out. The waitress bothers him three times before he decides to just order an appetizer while he waits for her. It’s only after she walks away that Niall notices a boy standing at the door.

He’s kinda tall, curly hair resting on top of his head. He’s shifting around nervously, pushing his hair out his eyes as he scans the diner. Niall wonders if he’s here for someone too, like a blind date or maybe even his first date all together.

And then his eyes lock onto Niall and he doesn’t know why but something painful drops in his gut. They stare at each other and Niall can’t move when the boy starts over. He seems even taller closer up and Niall can see how green his eyes are under his curly bangs. His cheeks are a bit flushed with amazingly deep dimples and his bottom lip is red like he had been biting on it, unless they’re naturally that color.

The boy clears his throat. “Hello.”

He wipes his hands on his thighs and glances around before looking back to Niall. Niall can’t speak for a second, can’t understand why this complete stranger is talking to him right now. He looks around the boy, glances at the door. He really doesn’t want to miss Harley walking in. 

“Hey,” he mutters. The boy gestures towards the booth.

“Do you mind if I have a seat?” he asks. Niall narrows his eyes up at him. Who the fuck is this kid?

“Yeah. I do actually, I’m waiting for someone,” he says. The boys’ face gets redder and Niall really wishes she would just show up now, really wishes this feeling in his gut would go away. It’s like something is pulling tight in his stomach and the longer this boy stands there the tighter it gets, almost painfully too tight.

“Yeah, I know,” says the boy, sliding into the booth. “I’m Harley.”

Oh God.

**I think I’m in love with you.**

Niall shakes his head, closes his eyes and hopes this is all just a bad dream. But when he opens them again the boy is still sitting there, brushing his hair out his eyes and licking his lips like it’s some kind of nervous habit. Niall takes a breath, opens his mouth and then closes it again. He pushes out of the booth, suddenly feeling crushed with in it.

**…I think I seriously have feelings for you, like nothing I’ve ever had with anyone else.**

_…I feel the same way, you make me feel so good, take me to a place I’ve never been. Some how, with out touching you or seeing you, I’ve gotten these really strong feelings for you, Niall._

“I’m…I’m sorry,” says the boy. Niall feels dizzy, he’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up. This can’t be happening, this can’t be right, this can’t be Harley, his Harley.

_Tell me you love me again, before our online dating ends._

_**I love you.** _

“Oh God,” he whispers and he reaches out to place his hand on the table, anything to steady himself. The boy touches him, actually touches him. Niall shoves at him, he can not have him touching him, not now or like ever. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” 

“I always wanted to tell you, I’m sorry, I couldn’t, there’s no excuse I know-” 

They’ve gotten the attention of the entire diner but Niall doesn’t care, he can’t hear, can’t even see straight because Harley isn’t real because everything he’s ever said to her was said to this boy, to this complete stranger. He feels like he can’t breathe and maybe his entire world is turning on it’s axis. He starts for the door, he needs air, needs to breathe but once he’s outside the boy grabs for him again. 

“Niall--” 

_I love you too._

Niall rips his arm out the boys grasp, turning to glare at him. “Fuck off! I _swear_ , touch me again and I’ll bust you in your _fuckin’_ face.” 

Niall has never regretted saying anything so fast in his life. The boy flinches back, face flushed and eyes wide like a puppy kicked by it’s own master. He looks hurt and maybe sick to his own stomach and Niall kind of hates making him look like that but that’s nothing compared to what this boy is putting him threw right now, nothing compared to how everything is suddenly upside down. 

“Niall, I’m so sorry, seriously, I never meant to hurt you,” he whispers. Something tugs in side of him and Niall feels sick, like he’s going to pass out. He doesn’t understand why this had to happen to him, why he couldn’t have a happy ending like in all the movies. 

“Why? Why would you do something like this? Fuck with me for so long?” he asks, he’s backing up and he thinks it might be because he doesn’t want to hear his answers, he doesn’t want to know why this boy choose to torment him like this. 

“I wasn’t fucking with you, honestly, everything I said--” 

“Oh fuck, please shut up.” He runs his fingers through his hair, fist his roots so tight on the back of his neck it sends pain through his scalp. “I never said anything to you, everything I said was for her.” 

He has to get out of here, get away from him. 

He turns on his heel, heading for his car. This time the boy doesn’t try to stop him. 

He doesn’t go home, he can’t go into his room where everything happened, where he confessed everything, where he let everything out in the open. Where he was once happy. He goes to Louis’s house instead, storms into his room like Louis had done to him yesterday. 

It’s no surprise that Zayn is already there, their sharing Louis’s bed, laying next to each other, the TV isn’t on and he wonders if they were just sitting in silence or bickering or maybe finally confessing their feelings to each other. He would have said something about how gay they looked cuddled up together like that if he wasn’t so close to crying. Zayn pushes up onto his forearms and Louis sits up, concern all over their faces. 

“What’s the matter? What happened?” asks Louis. Niall crawls onto the bed in between them and buries his head into the only pillow Louis has. The bed is small and their really isn’t enough room for all three of them but no one moves and Niall, for some reason, is grateful for that. 

“She was a boy,” he whispers. It’s silent for a moment before he feels the bed start to shake. 

“Are you fucking kidding?” asks Zayn. “Louis, stop laughing this isn’t fucking funny.” 

Niall groans, of course the shaking is Louis trying to stop himself from laughing at him. At least Zayn sounds pissed. 

“What, we told him didn’t we?” 

“No, I told him, you were saying stupid shit about true love, remember?” 

Niall lefts his head to see Louis covering his mouth, a grin behind his palm as he tries to contain his laughs. Zayn is glaring at him, his eyes narrowed and lips pulled down into a frown. He looks down to Niall first. “What was his address, we should go kick his ass for fucking with you like that.” 

Louis shoves at Zayn’s shoulder, still laughing. “We can’t do that, Mr. Badass.” 

“Why the hell not, look at what he did to our boy! He’s fucking crushed.” 

Niall buries his face into his pillow again and listens as they bicker over top of him. That’s what he wanted to do at first too, pound that boy’s pretty face into the ground but now all he wants to do is mourn the loss of his ‘girlfriend’. He never in his life thought this could happen to him, never thought something like this could hurt so bad. 

“So what are you going to do? Are you ever going to talk to him again?” asks Louis. 

Niall shrugs, “Don’t think so, don’t ever what to see him again actually.” 

That’s when he sees him, all soft looking curls and bright green eyes. He sighs, presses his face further into the pillow. He wants to die, to just drift away. Someone’s hand curls into his hair, runs through the blonde strands and it calms him enough to fall into some kind of light sleep. He dreams about Harley and about the boy and when he wakes up it’s dark out side and Zayn has his arm around his waist, letting it rest lightly on the small of Louis’s back. Both boys are sleeping and even though this is super weird but not really, Niall doesn’t want to wake them anyway so he closes his eyes and prays that he doesn’t dream of anything this time around. 

_-_

_He wishes his mom would stop crying._

_She’s crying and screaming and begging and Niall really wishes she would stop, wishes his dad would do something, anything about it._

_But he’s doesn’t, he’s only making it worst because he’s yelling at her, pleading with her to just let him go._

_Niall sits at the top of the stairs, stares threw the railing bars to where his parents are in the kitchen, arguing again. It’s different this time though, he’s young but he knows what his parents are like when they fight and this, the way they are now, this isn’t it. He can hear it in the desperate tone of his mother’s voice and it was enough to make him leave his computer game and come to the top of the stairs to see what was going on._

_His dad had a bag in each hand, face red and his eyes to Niall were unrecognizable, right now he didn’t look like his dad. He looked cold and foreign and dark and Niall didn’t like it, it makes his hands shaky and his eyes sting and he doesn’t like this one bit, not at all._

_“You can’t just leave! You have a family here, with us! Your son is upstairs, are you really going to just walk out on him?”_

_“It’s better this way, isn’t it? It’s not like you love me any more and I surely don’t love you anymore!”_

_His mom jerks back as if he had physically swung at her and pain flashes a crossed her face. Niall’s stomach drops and knots tight at the look, like a wounded animal and Niall looks back to his dad because he can’t stand to see her face like that anymore. He feels like this is really bad, because he’s talking about leaving. His dad is talking about leaving them._

_But he can’t mean seriously, he can’t mean for a long time right? He’ll be back to take Niall to baseball practice tomorrow and he’ll be back in time to see Niall’s scores because he did really bad last time but he promised his dad he would do better, he promised and he did and now his dad can see it, he’ll be back._

_“You don’t love me any more because you love her! Admit it, tell me like a man, no, no go up there and tell your son you’re leaving because I surely can’t do it. You can not just walk out that door and make me break it to him. He’s our son and I will not be the one to tell him his father’s never coming back.”_

_“You’re not coming back?”_

_His voice is weak, shaky but both his parents hear it over there own fussing. His mom is quick to come up the stairs to him but Niall can’t take his eyes off his dad and the bags in his hands. He’s Niall’s father, where is he going? Where else does he have to go than besides being with his own son? Is there some where better? Some where that he and his mother can’t go?_

_He wants to ask all these questions but he can’t find his voice because there’s a painful knot in his throat and tears coming down his face and his dad can’t leave._

_His mom takes him into her arms, kissing the top of his head and he wants to push her away, to go down the stairs and demand to know why he’s leaving but his mother’s arms are solid around him, stable and definitely not leaving him, not like how is dad is right now._

_“Why? Why are you leaving?” he manages to choke out and his dad runs his fingers threw his hair, frowning now, maybe even looks a bit sadder than his mom._

_“I—when you’re not happy anymore, kiddo, you have to…when things are like that for a long time, you need to do something about it,” he says softly, moving a bit closer to the stairs._

_Niall shakes his head, “You’re not happy with me and mommy?”_

_“No, I mean with you yes, I’m always happy with you but being here with your mother... Niall with the way things are, it’s just better this way.”_

_He’s not happy._

_Niall isn’t enough._

_His dad walks out that night and Niall’s chest hurts and he can’t stop crying and he doesn’t understand why things are this way, why he had to leave, why he wasn’t happy, why they couldn’t just get along so that Niall could have both his parents. His mom holds him all threw the night and when he wakes up all he wants to do is see Louis and Zayn because they’ll know what to do, they always know how to make things better._

_-_

Niall thinks about it for weeks but the only time he really gets the urge to get back in touch with the boy comes when he really needs someone to talk to. 

Niall’s dad suddenly shows back up, claims he wants to get back with his mom, wants to be a part of Niall’s life. It’s seriously too sudden; the man’s been gone for 10 years and thinks he can just walk back into their lives like this. 

He left, he was _gone._

His mom lets him though and they cried to each other on the couch, talked about how much they’ve missed each other and how much they love each other and Niall couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He wasn’t as welcoming towards his father, he couldn’t just let him back in only to get hurt again. He didn’t want to feel that pain again, that pain the first time he left. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with his mother, doesn’t understand why the sour feeling of bitterness doesn’t keep her away from him like it does with Niall. 

He can’t talk to either Louis or Zayn because they’ve apparently had some huge blow out that he wasn’t present for. Now there not talking to each other and he feels like if he were to talk to one of them it would be like picking sides and when they get like this the last thing he wants is to be stuck in the middle. He’s kinda worried about them because there fights have been getting worst and worst and he’s pretty sure something’s gonna happen that they can’t come back from. 

So he’s alone in his room in the dark and he feels like jumping off a cliff just to get away from the sound of his dad laughing at something on the TV and his mom asking him if he needs anything. It’s annoying and really just makes him want to throw up and he has to get out of here. 

He pushes off his bed and grabs his jacket before heading down the stairs. His dad calls for him as he walks through the living room to the front door but Niall ignores him and stuffs his hands in his pockets as he steps in to the night. He has a feeling his mom is going to be pissed at him for ignoring his dad the whole time he’s been back but Niall is pretty pissed she expects anything more from him. 

He sits in the park for about an hour and decides this is already better than being at home but his chest is tight and he thinks he’s become overly dependant on Zayn and Louis being there for him. He’s too use to having comfort because sitting here alone with no one to talk to is a bit too sad and painful and he just really needs some one to talk to. 

He pulls out his phone, scrolls past Harley, isn’t sure why he hasn’t deleted her— _him_ out of his contacts and hovers over Louis before scrolling down only to do the same thing over Zayn’s name. He huffs and stuffs his phone back into his pocket. He sits there for about 15 more minutes before pulling his phone back out. 

He shouldn’t be doing this, he’s still really pissed but some part of him keeps tugging at him to talk to that boy, while the rest of him never wants to think about the entire situation ever again. He thinks maybe that boy owes him some answers or something maybe that’s why some part of Niall doesn’t want to let this go just yet. Like he needs closure or something close to that. 

He types a text, **Are you available to talk?**

He shakes his head and erases that because after what that boy did to him Niall shouldn’t be asking him if he was available he should just be telling the boy to drop everything or to wake up because they needed to talk, because Niall wanted to talk, like now. **We need to talk.**

He groans and shakes his head again, he doesn’t like that. 

He decides on. **Can we talk?**

The reply comes really fast and it almost makes Niall smile at the boy’s eagerness. 

_Yeah, sure._

He’s already over texting, thinks some part of it has to do with the fact that most of the time Harley wanted to text and it’s kinda like texting had a part in betraying him. So he takes a breath and hits the call button. He isn’t sure about what he’s going to say or why he’s doing this in the first place, but he feels like all his feelings are boiling up to this moment, like what’s said here is either going to make his life better or worst and for some odd reason he wants to risk it, risk this making his life any more of a catastrophe. 

The boy doesn’t answer right away and Niall likes to think it’s because he’s probably going crazy on the other end. But when he does answer his voice sounds deeper over the phone and Niall can immediately remember what the boy looks like. 

“H-Hello?” 

Niall clears his throat. “The few times when we actually did talk over the phone, who was it I was talking to?” 

The question is out his mouth before he actually has a chance to think about it and it’s a stupid question because it doesn’t really matter now but his mouth is dry and he can’t understand why he’s more nervous than he actually is angry. He rubs his free hand against his jean clad thigh, tries to get rid of the sweat on his palm.

“Um,” sighs the boy. “Her name is Cher, she’s a friend of mine. The pictures you have, that I sent…those are all her.” 

Niall nods his head even though the boy can’t see it. He feels surprisingly calm talking about this all of a sudden, talking to him now. Maybe it’s because the boy’s voice is quivering, shaky on the other end and Niall is a bit comforted that he’s as nervous as Niall. 

“Fucking gorgeous,” he breathes. “So she was in on it.” 

“Yeah but it was nothing to be _in on_. Niall, honestly, I never meant to hurt you, I just really needed some one to talk to and you were really nice and--” 

“Apparently too nice,” Niall cuts him off, a frown tugging at him lips. Maybe if he wasn’t so nice, so open and caring this never would have happened. Maybe if he wasn’t so open and caring he never would have trusted some one over the internet with all his feelings and dreams, wouldn’t have given a stranger who he has never meant so much of his time and love. 

“Shit,” the boy sighs. “I’m so sorry, if I could take everything back and just talk to you as myself I would have but as a girl everything just seemed so much easier and…and there’s no excuse. I was being selfish, so selfish, I’m sorry.” 

Niall is pretty sure no one has ever apologized to him so much in his entire life; it really does make him feel better because they seem genuine, like this is just as painful for him as it was for Niall. Maybe because he’s lost Niall like how Niall lost Harley. 

“What’s your name?” Niall asks, only because he’s talked to him twice now and still doesn’t know anything about the person he’s really been talking to over the past year and a half. 

The boy clears his throat. “Oh…um…it’s Harry, Harry Styles.” 

Niall tilts his head back, stares up at the fluorescent light above his head. “So Mr. Harry Styles, do you wanna meet in person?” 

“Right now?” 

Niall takes a breath, he doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Why he suddenly wants to see him again. Maybe because this boy sounds more wrecked than him, maybe because he feels like that even though this isn’t the girl of his dreams he still feels some kind of connection, like he can confide in this boy just like he did her. He’s not sure what it is but he doesn’t think much else can come from going to see him, to see how much of Harley really is this Harry boy. 

“Yeah, right now. Is that a problem?” 

“N-No! Not at all I-I’ll just--” 

“I’ll come to your place.” 

“Oh, r-right, okay then.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Louis**

_“We gotta protect him.”_

_Louis blinks his tears away, wiping at his cheeks, Niall is sleeping soundlessly above him on the couch, cheeks flushed and soft brown hair every where and Louis can’t help but think about how peaceful he looks, wishes he could stay like that forever and never see him the way that he was when his mom brought him over earlier, crying so hard about his dad that he could barely breathe._

_It makes Louis’ chest hurt and his eyes grow so wet that tears fall down his face but Zayn is there, a stern presence next to him and Louis tries to pull himself together, tries to be strong like how he is._

_“So you gotta be strong, Louis.” Zayn’s saying, almost like he was reading his mind. Louis huffs, suddenly embarrassed._

_“I know that! Next time his dad comes around, we’ll kick his ass for doing this to him, yeah?”_

_Zayn laughs next to him, “You shouldn’t swear, Louis!”_

_“You swear all the time, dickhead!”_

_“Cause, I’m the cool one!”_

_Louis’ mouth falls open as he shoves Zayn’s shoulder. “Who says?”_

_“Jade told me in class the other day, said that Niall was the baby and you were the obnoxious one!” he laughs._

_Louis shoves him again, forcing him down onto the floor. “You’re such a lair!”_

_Zayn laughs again, pushing Louis over and forcing himself on top, pinning him down with his weight. His face gets serious all of a sudden, eyes narrowing and his lips tucking down into a frown and he gets this look in his eyes that makes him look much older than what he is, it’s enough to make Louis stop struggling, going still under him._

_“I never want to see you cry,” he says suddenly and Louis nods, suddenly at a lost for words. “We’ll protect each other, yeah?”_

_Louis licks his lips. “Always.”_

He doesn’t remember it getting dark outside.

Louis frowns, can feel his bottom lip poking out into a pout as he stares at his ceiling, well what he can see of it through the dark. It’s not too dark, not with the moon shining in the way that it is but it’s still really dark and he doesn’t like it, sitting here by himself…in the dark.

He doesn’t want to move though, doesn’t want to make the tightness in his chest any worst than what it already is. Even if he knows moving around has nothing to do with it. It’s a heavy tightness, crushing in a way that makes him think he can’t breathe. It just really hurts and it’s only because Zayn won’t talk to him.

Honestly, he doesn’t know what’s up with that guy, every time Louis says something to him, Zayn twist his words, makes Louis sound like the bad guy and then Louis can’t help but get defensive because Zayn is being a dick on purpose and he just really hates this. He sighs and moves to his side, tries to make out the picture on his night stand.

It’s of him Niall and Zayn. Louis’s kissing Zayn’s temple while Zayn makes bunny ears behind Niall’s head and there laughing about something he can’t remember. Those were good times. He wants to know when things got so out of control like this, when things got so complicated. He’s always liked Zayn, he’s actually probably been in love with him since like the third grade and that was okay, Louis was fine with being just friends, best friends, that’s how he thought it would always be but now... Now everything is suddenly so different and he’s not sure he’ll even have his friendship anymore, he doesn’t understand what’s changing though, doesn’t know how to fix things so they’re back to the way they always were.

It’s late now but Louis kind of really wants to see him, weather Zayn talks to him or not Louis just wants to see him. He knows he’s awake, Zayn never falls asleep before 2 usually doesn’t wake up before 2 either. Louis pushes off the bed and just the thought of maybe even seeing him tonight makes Louis’s chest hurt just a little less.

He stuffs his feet into his shoes and doesn’t bother with a jacket before leaving his house. It’s a little cold, getting too close to September but he likes it, clears his head just a bit. He’s not gay, never has been he’s sure. Any time he’s ever attracted to anyone it’s usually a girl. He’s never looked at any other guy the way that he looks at girls or how he sees Zayn. So he doesn’t think he’s gay, maybe he’s just confused. Maybe he doesn’t really have feelings for Zayn, just a strong brotherly connection or something.

When he gets to Zayn’s house, he walks around the side, to where his window is. The light is out but Louis finds a rock, tosses it at the window anyway. He doesn’t have to throw another one, Zayn is at the window in just 30 seconds. It creaks loudly when it’s forced open and then Zayn’s head is poking out, hair wild on his head and his eyes shadowed from the angle of the moon. Louis clears his throat.

“Mind if I come up?”

Zayn stares at him for a second before shrugging and retreating back into his room. Louis makes his why over to the shed, where there’s a ladder resting against it. Zayn’s dad always puts it back into the shed, locks it away, but Zayn usually makes sure its out, just in case Louis or Niall want to stop by during the night. It’s not that they can’t stay the night or anything but they’ve always kind of done this and Louis just likes it more when Zayn’s parents don’t know he’s there, Zayn could also just let him in through the front door but he’s kind of a lazy fucker most of the time.

He hauls the ladder to the window, sets it gently against the side of the house as to not wake his parents. It doesn’t reach the window but it’s high enough that Louis can reach the window ledge and pull himself up. Zayn usually helps him but tonight no strong hands reach for his arms when he makes it to the top, no muscles flex as they bring him over the edge. He grunts and with way too much effort hauls himself up, the air kinda gets pushed out of his stomach when he pushes half way through the window and he grunts as he finally lands on the carpeted floor. He pants, loudly, exaggerates a bit really but Zayn is laying on his bed, bare back facing Louis, hips and legs covered by his blanket.

There’s an open spot though, Zayn is laying on the far right side, giving Louis space on the bed to lie next to him. He sighs as he settles down on the bed, laying on his back with his fingers laced on his stomach. It’s silent for a while but Louis knows Zayn isn’t sleeping, can tell by his breathing.

“So,” he whispers. “We’ve been fighting a lot.”

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, I wonder why.”

Louis turns onto his side, stares at what he can make out of the back of Zayn’s neck. “Just about to ask you that, actually.” He wants to touch him but for some reason he feels like that would be inappropriate.

Zayn’s quiet for a long time and Louis wonders if he should say something, he decides against it. He feels like if he says anything it’ll all just come out wrong and he’ll be the bad guy in the end, like always. So they sit there and Louis feels like for the first time they can’t fix this and it’s funny because he can’t remember why they were fighting in the first place.

“Why did you come over anyway, just to sit there?” Zayn’s voice is sudden in the darkness and Louis thinks for a second he just imagined it. He takes a breath and presses his fringe down on his forehead.

“I wanted to see you, is all,” he whispers. Zayn shifts on the bed, turns so that he’s facing Louis. “Why are we fighting again anyway?”

Zayn reaches out and Louis watches his hand, watches the way it comes towards his face before stopping. It hovers there for a bit and Louis tries not to hold his breath but then his long fingers curl into a fist and he pulls it in close to his chest. “Because I was being a dick.”

Louis laughs and it’s forced but he’ll do anything to get rid of the tension suddenly between them. It’s not bad but he’s always tried to avoid this serious side of Zayn, this side of Zayn usually ends with serious and some times painful talks and Louis really doesn’t want to do that tonight. But then again it feels like maybe those kinds of talks are needed, like they need more communication between them. 

“It’s nice to hear you finally admit that you’re a dick!” he laughs and he knows he’s being too loud but he doesn’t know how else to act, this is kind of a default setting for him in situations like these. It’s dark but Louis can tell Zayn is rolling his eyes.

“I’m serious, Lou,” he whispers. He reaches out again and Louis stills, almost mesmerized by the way he moves, fluid in the darkness. He doesn’t stop this time and his hand touches his neck, long fingers curling around the back of it to pull Louis just a bit closer. “I said a lot of shitty things, I intentionally hurt you.”

“Zayn--”

His fingers tightening around Louis’s neck is enough to make him stop talking. “I can see it in your eyes, the way you look when I bring up Per--”

“That’s ridiculous--”

“Louis, shut up and let me talk, damn it,” he hisses. Louis closes his eyes and turns his head into his pillow more. His heart is racing and he really doesn’t want to talk about this, not right now. Zayn’s thumb brushes along his pulse point, fingertips pressing into his hair line. He doesn’t want Zayn to know how Louis feels about him, he barely understands what he feels himself. He’s confused and a bit frustrated and he feels like he can’t breathe, not with Zayn this close, not with him touching him and talking to him about this.

“I just don’t want to lose you, I want you to stay with me, be by my side always but if you get with Perrie…” He’s lying but at the same time he isn’t, he really doesn’t want to lose Zayn but there’s more and he can’t voice that to him, not right now.

“If I get with Perrie, what?” Zayn whispers.

“She’ll take you away from me.”

His voice is small and he wishes he didn’t sound like he was holding something back but Zayn just sighs, breath fanning over Louis’s face. His hand moves up, fingertips dragging along his scalp before Zayn pulls his hand away. “No one can take me away from you, ever.”

Louis doesn’t realize that he’s tense until he relaxes, body molding into the mattress. He opens his eyes, finds that Zayn is already staring at him, probably was the whole time. He takes a breath and he is so ready for everything to just go back to normal now.

“Right, best we have a cuddle now, don’t you think?” he asks. Cuddling is normal, they always cuddle. 

Zayn scoffs and turns back over. “You wish.”

Louis grins because Zayn denying him a cuddle is also very normal. He shifts closer and Zayn’s arm lifts like it always does so that Louis can wrap his arm around his waist and press into his back. He presses his forehead against the back of his neck and breathes, happy that he’s with Zayn and super happy that he no longer has that pain in his chest.

-

Niall sends him a text when he gets to his house. **Outside.**

There’s no lights on in the house but that’s no surprise considering what time of night it is. Niall shifts on his feet, hands stuffed in his pockets as he waits on the side walk. He doesn’t want to step any closer to the house because this is crazy, he’s a bit confused as to why he’s here, why he’s doing this right now, why he wants to even see this boy who so cruelly crushed everything Niall knew for the past year and a half.

The door opens slowly and there he is, dressed in plaid cotton pants and a V cut t-shirt, low enough that Niall can see a hint of inked skin. His curly hair is laying down enough on his head to let Niall know he definitely ran his fingers threw it a couple times. They stand there for a minute, the whole length of the front yard and porch between them. 

“Y-you can come in,” Harry says just loud enough for him to hear, shifting to his side a bit. Niall’s mouth is suddenly dry and he glances around, it’s not to see if anyone is around or anything, it’s more like he’s making sure he really wants to do this. He could walk away right now, go back home to his dad sleeping on the couch and his mom cleaning up the mess he made. He can go back home to his room and sit in the dark and think about Zayn and Louis and this Harry boy. He can go be alone and pretend like none of this ever happened.

He doesn’t want to do that though. So he steps closer, moving passed the boy and into his house. The first room is the living room, smaller than his own but cozy in a way that his isn’t. Harry rubs his palms together and heads for the stairs after he makes sure the door is locked. Niall follows after him, he can hear his heart racing in chest and his feet sound way too loud on the stairs but if he’s stomping Harry doesn’t say anything to him about it.

His room is bigger than Niall’s, no posters or anything but music is every where and his bed isn’t made and the computer is on, giving light to the room. “Can you shut that off?” He gestures towards the computer and Harry quickly nods before making his way to it. Niall sits down on the edge of his bed, hands on his knees and the room goes dark when Harry shuts off the monitor.

Niall feels the bed dip next to him and when his eyes adjust to the dark he can see Harry sitting next to him, hands fisting the front of his own shirt. It’s awkward and silent and Niall suddenly wishes he had gone some where else.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks suddenly and Niall jumps at the sound of his voice. He thinks for a second that it’s way too deep for a boy his age.

“Yeah, why?”

Harry moves back on the bed, until his back is touching the wall it’s pressed against. “Because you’re here.”

Niall stares at him over his shoulder. He wants to laugh but this isn’t funny because his heart just fluttered or something and he feels like this boy knows him too well, can’t believe this boy knew something wasn’t right. Harry fidgets with his shirt and he can barely even look at Niall.

“I mean, something must be up because it’s late and I’m pretty sure I’m the last person you would want to see but something must be bothering you to have you here right now,” he says. Niall finally lets out a laugh, turns and covers his eyes with his hand. This is so fucking fucked up. He wants to tell Harry that but he doesn’t really want to hurt his feelings, even if Harry hurt his. He feels like making this boy sad, cussing him out, or hating he wouldn’t make Niall feel any better, about anything.

Niall pushes back on the bed when he’s got himself under control, leans against the wall next to Harry.

“I think my friends are in love with each other,” he says, grinning in the dumbest way. He doesn’t know why he feels this way, some kind of happy, relieved or something. Harry’s eyebrows knit together, his lip poking out in a confused pout. “Louis and Zayn. There always fighting but there always together, honestly can’t find one with out the other. Anyway, I think their in love and instead of just getting together they keep fighting and now there not talking and I don’t know what to do to make it better.”

Harry nods. “You don’t think they’ll just figure it out on their own?”

“I don’t think so, I mean, with those two I feel like they’re just gonna let it rip their friendship a part.”

“So you’re gonna do something about it then?”

“I guess, maybe lock them in a room together for days. Would like to see how that would turn out.”

Harry snorts a laugh, hand coming up to cover his mouth. “I don’t know them very well but by the sounds of it, it seems like that would be a huge disaster.”

Niall smiles, nods his head. Because it really would be. They fall into some kind of comfortable silence until Harry is nudging him with his elbow. It’s the first time they’ve touched since the diner and Niall can’t help but notice how it doesn’t bother him like it did back then.

“That’s not all that was bothering you, was it?” He’s asking and Niall rolls his eyes.

“You really do know me, don’t you? Even if we’ve never meant in person, kinda pisses me off because I don’t feel like I know you at all.” He’s not mad, not really but besides the familiar feeling he has around Harry he knows that he doesn’t really know him. When he thinks back, it Harley that he thinks of, he thinks of things that he knows about her. They’re the same person but it’s like his brain can’t process that, can’t stop from separating the two. Almost like he can’t understand that the things he knows about Harley are the same things he knows about Harry.

“Would you like to?”

When Niall looks to him, Harry is looking out the window, brown curls falling into his eyes. His fingers are pulling on a string coming from his pants and his foot is tapping against the mattress. When Niall takes too long to answer Harry turns towards him, their eyes locking seriously for the first time since Niall walked through the door. His eyes look black but Niall knows their green, can remember from when they first met. They look shiny now, wet like he’s really close to crying.

“I don’t think I would be here if I didn’t, don’t you think?” he asks. He feels like he’s answering an unasked question to himself too. Harry smiles and Niall ignores the way it kind of takes his breath away.

They talk for an almost embarrassingly long amount of time. They talk about their childhoods, how it’s funny they grew up so close yet so far from each other. Niall admits he feels stupid for falling for him as a girl, with everything Harry told him about himself he should have known it was too good to be true. Harry had looked a certain way when he had said that, like he was going to say something important but he doesn’t, he just apologizes again for doing it and promises to make it up to him by being a good friend. Niall decides he’ll take that, he would never turn away a friend. He knows that he probably shouldn’t trust him with everything that’s already happened but when Harry laughs he kind of finds it hard not to.

He doesn’t realize that he’s fallen asleep until he’s being woken up.

“Hey, Niall, you might wanna get up, it’s morning now.”

Niall sits up so fast his head spins. He rubs his eyes as they adjust to his surroundings. The first thing he notices is Harry and everything from last night comes back to him. “What time is it?”

“Going on 9, I think your mum might ring the police soon if she already hasn’t, you should get going,” he says. Niall’s heart drops at the thought of his mother, she’s going to fucking kill him when he gets home. He pushes off the bed and ignores the blush suddenly on Harry’s cheeks.

“Thanks for letting me come over, feel much better now,” he says, heading for the door. Harry nods, watching him go.

“Niall,” he calls out. Niall stops, brushing his hair down as he looks over his shoulder. He kind of wishes he had never turned around. Harry’s hair is glowing in the sun light and even from the distance between them Niall can see how green his eyes are. His cheeks are a pretty pink and Niall never noticed how tan his skin was until now, bronze against the white of his t-shirt. He looks almost angelic from where Niall’s standing.

“We…We can hang out again, right?”

Niall blinks before nodding and Harry’s smile is radiant, all dimples and bright eyes and it makes Niall’s heart do something in his chest so he turns, leaving with out looking back.

-

Louis thinks the brightness of the room is what wakes him up. Usually in his own room he sleeps with the blinds closed so that the sun doesn’t wake him in the morning, Zayn’s blinds are drawn all the way up and the sun reflects off the walls making the room shine far too brightly.

He’s still curled around Zayn and he sighs because he’s pretty sure he’s never woken up this happy before. He feels giddy and a little bit stupid and he wants to wake up Zayn so they can talk and start their day but he also wants to sit here and stare at the back of Zayn’s neck, wants to remember every mark there and the way that his hair looks super black against the paleness of his skin. He lifts his fingers, traces them along his neck.

They’re barely touching him, just grazing and Louis wants to remember the way it feels against his fingertips. He brushes them over his shoulders, then down his spine to the small of his back. He stops at the waist band of his pants, tracing their names together over and over, before starting up his side. Zayn’s whole body shakes with a shiver and Louis brings his hand back in surprise. When Zayn sighs Louis brings his fingers back, running them along his side and back up to his shoulder.

“Are you sleeping?” he whispers, fingers going up his neck to touch behind his ear.

“Kind of hard to sleep with you touching me like that.” Zayn’s voice is deep from sleep, sounds maybe just a bit breathless. Louis fits their legs together, pressing just a bit closer. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, why he’s suddenly so much bolder in the light than he was last night. 

“Do you like it?” he asks, his voice is deeper too but he knows it’s not from sleep. Zayn’s hand grabs his wrist where it’s at on his neck, pulls it down and under his other arm before taking Louis’ wrist into his other hand. Louis takes that as his polite way of saying, _no_ , he didn’t like it. But then Zayn’s hand is over top of his, fingers over Louis’s and he brings his hand high on his chest, presses Louis’s fingers to his collarbone.

Louis takes a breath, holds it as Zayn guides his fingers a crossed a smooth peck, pausing for a second before Louis’s fingers brush over his nipple. Zayn shivers again but doesn’t keep Louis’s fingers there for long. He drags them over his ribs, a crossed his stomach and over his belly bottom. Louis lets out his breath, eyes staring at the black hair on the back of Zayn’s head. He wishes he could see his face, wishes he could tell what he was thinking.

He brushes his fingers over his navel and Louis feels his face burn at the feel of hair there and that’s where Zayn stops, lets his fingers go so that he can clasp his fingers around Louis’s wrist instead. Louis licks his lips and he wants to kiss him, any where he can reach him but he doesn’t, instead he leans forward and presses his forehead against his shoulder blade as he presses his fingers harder against him.

Zayn inhales sharply and Louis feels him let it go slowly. He scraps his nails up his stomach, over his chest and his nipple before going back down and he wonders if this is affecting Zayn like how it is Louis, he wonders if Zayn is having just as hard of a time breathing as he is. Louis can hardly tell when he can only see the freckles on Zayn’s shoulder. When he reaches his pants again he dips his fingers inside, pushes them down into his briefs and Zayn’s hand is suddenly tight around his wrist. 

Louis pauses. “Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?” he asks, words being pressed into his back.

Zayn is still for a long time and it makes Louis think too hard about the line he wants to cross. The line that is thick and black and right in front of him and all Louis wants to do is step over it but if he does that the line will grow into a huge wall and there will be no getting back over it. There won’t be a way for him to get back to where he was, there’s no uncrossing it. Does he really want to change things like that? Things between him and Zayn are rarely good anymore and this could only make it worst, make things way more complicated. He wonders if Zayn is thinking the same thing.

“Do _you_ want to stop?” Zayn asks suddenly. He knows he should but he really doesn’t. He wants to touch him, to see if he’s hard and what he feels like, wants to know the sounds he’ll make and see if he’ll press back into Louis just so there closer, flush together. He feels so torn but like no matter what he chooses he’ll regret it in the end.

His eyes sting a bit and he closes them because there really isn’t a reason for him to be so upset, not when Zayn is so close to him. So he shakes his head where it’s resting against him. “No,” he whispers.

“Then keep going.”

And he does. He’s holding his breath again as his hand goes down, fingers brushing through course hair until they brush the base of his dick. Louis’s breath hitches and Zayn titles his head back just the slightest bit. He uses his palm first, runs it along him, testing how long he is. He’s smooth and so, so hot against him. It takes Zayn inhaling sharply for Louis to realize he was holding his breath too. 

Then he wraps his fingers around him and only strokes once before Zayn is yanking his hand out his pants. Louis instantly feels a pain in his chest, a sinking feeling of regret and hurt starting there but then Zayn is bringing his hand to his mouth and Louis tries not to shiver at the feel of Zayn’s tongue, hot and wet, as it runs along his palm and fingers. Once and then twice before he’s shoving it down his pants again, fingers curling around Louis’s so tight around his cock that Louis thinks he’s trying to hurt himself.

“Just like this,” he whispers, breathless. Louis nods because he doesn’t trust his voice and strokes, nice and slow and tight and Zayn shudders, breaths coming out faster now but Louis is breathing harder too, his heart pumping against his chest and his dick hard between his legs.

He twists his wrist, speeds up and slows down until he finds a rhythm that has Zayn panting, these little whimpers leaving from between his lips and Louis really wishes he could see his face right now. His dick is so hard, pre-come dripping from the tip and Louis presses his thumb into it, smears it down his cock and drinks in the way Zayn whimpers. 

His wrist is starting to cramp, his palm hot from the friction but he licks his lips, wondering how long Zayn will last. His back is looking a bit shiny now from sweat and Louis lifts his head from it because it only keeps sliding on it. That’s when he notices how tense Zayn’s body is, tight with restraint. He’s holding back and Louis really doesn’t want him to, he wants him to let go, wants to hear him and feel it as Zayn comes on his fingers.

Louis hums, presses his hips against Zayn’s ass to relieve some pressure there before pressing his lips against his neck. He kisses down his back, scrapes his teeth hard enough to leave pink marks that take a minute to fade away. He grinds against him gently, almost subtly, his pants feeling too hot and tight and wet.

“Come on,” he whispers against his hot skin, moist with his sweat. Zayn grunts, jerks his hips into Louis’s hand twice before he goes still, nails pressing so hard into his wrist that Louis is sure it’s going to leave marks. Zayn comes silently, holding his breath and his hips shudder in a way that Louis didn’t think possible as he spills out all over his hand. It’s hot and wet and Louis tries not to come at the feel of it between his fingers. He thinks it should be uncomfortable but then Zayn is melting into the bed, breath coming out in shallow pants. His head goes into his pillow and his chest turns into the mattress, so that he’s not really on his side any more. 

Zayn makes a sound into his pillow that sounds a lot like, _fuck_ , as Louis pulls his hand from his pants. Louis sits up and finds a shirt on the floor to clean his hand off with, wonders if it was clean but it doesn’t really matter because it’s dirty now. He thinks he should leave now, maybe give Zayn some space because he knows Zayn, knows he’s probably gonna want space to over think this just like Louis already is starting to.

But as he moves to stand Zayn is sitting up and he gets to see his face for the first time all morning. His hair is a bit damp with sweat and his bottom lip looks pink and bitten raw, his cheeks are flushed, a red that looks far too good on his darker skin. His eyes are glazed over and he looks like he’s ready to go back to sleep, eye lids lowered lazily but his hazel eyes are bright and Louis kind of forgets how to breathe for a second because he swears he’s never seen anything more beautiful. He reaches for Louis and he thinks he’s either going to shove him away or kiss him. He does neither, he wraps his arm around Louis’s shoulders, pulls him close so that Zayn can bury his face into his neck.

Louis sighs, relaxes into the embrace, arms going around Zayn’s narrow waist. They stay like that for a minute, until Zayn isn’t panting against him anymore, breaths even and slow, then his hand is touching his thigh. It makes Louis jump, the sudden contact, he sighs at the feel of Zayn’s palm, heat seeping into his thigh even through his pants, makes him remember his own dick, now semi hard in his jeans. His breath catches in his throat when it moves up, moving towards his groin. He’s grabbing Zayn’s wrist before he can think, stopping him from his ascent.

“No,” he whispers. Zayn nuzzles into his neck a bit, not something Louis was expecting him to do after being turned down. He guesses orgasms do that to him, make him all slow and sluggish, completely mellow.

“Why not?” he sighs, now he sounds almost as if he was expecting this, for Louis to act this way. Louis tires not to think too hard about that.

“Because I don’t want you to,” he says. It’s not that he doesn’t want him to because he does but right now, for Louis it’s all about Zayn, he doesn’t want this to become a ‘because you did me’ or ‘because I owe you’ kind of thing. He just wants Zayn to enjoy what it was and what Louis desperately wanted to do for him.

Zayn sighs again before letting him go. He falls back on his bed, eyes lowered and lips parted and they just stare at each other, he’s not sure for how long but then Zayn’s door is being pushed open and he knew he should have left as soon as they were done.

Zayn’s mom stops in the door way and she looks shocked to see him before she’s rolling her eyes. “Well, that’s one missing kid accounted for, now where’s Niall?” she asks, hand going to her hip. Zayn sits up and Louis forces down the worry suddenly biting at his stomach.

“What? He’s not home?” asks Zayn. His mom’s eyes narrow.

“You boys don’t know where he is?” she asks, her tone has lost the annoyed edge it had to it before, she sounds more concerned now. It doesn’t help Louis’s stomach. “His mum called here asking for him, said he stormed out last night and never came back. I thought he might be here or at Louis’s house but since Louis’s here…”

“Shit, where could he be?” hisses Zayn. His mom sends him a look for swearing as he moves to shove the blanket off him but he suddenly thinks better of it. Louis flushes and stands, watches as Zayn gives his mom a look. She sighs and steps out of the room closing the door behind her.

“Not like I haven’t seen it all before,” she calls through the door. Louis would laugh because it’s not that Zayn’s naked under the blanket but he knows how weird it would have been if he had tossed his blankets back, if she had seen the spot probably decorating his crotch.

“Where do you think he is?” Louis asks. Niall isn’t one to just run away, not without them at least. Zayn shrugs as he pushes the blankets off him. “Do you think he’s with Harley?”

“That’s not funny, Lou.”

“I know. I just don’t want to think about everything else that could have happened to him.”

-

Turns out he was with Harley.

Louis buries his face into Zayn’s shoulder, tries everything he can to stop laughing but seriously this is too much. 

“So you like him?” asks Zayn.

There not supposed to be here, Niall came home not even 15 minutes after a real panic started. His mom had torn him a new one and now Niall is grounded for a whole month. He explains to them why he left and Louis kind of feels bad. He would never want to put Niall into that kind of position, make him feel like he had to choose, make him feel like he had no one if he didn’t have them both. But seriously, he went to his _catfisher_ , he’s not even sure if that’s a word!

“Lou, come on, you’re gonna get us caught,” Zayn whispers, his breath fanning a crossed Louis’s forehead. He snickers a bit more, bites his lip as he fists Zayn’s shirt.

“I don’t _like_ him, like him but he’s a real cool guy and I think he was just lost or something. I can’t be mad at him for reaching out to me, he just needed someone,” says Niall. His cheeks are a nice rosy red from embarrassment and looking at him only makes Louis laugh harder.

“Fuck, my stomach hurts,” he laughs. Zayn pinches his side and that does nothing to help.

“I’m glad to see you two are back together,” Niall says and Zayn stiffens against him. Louis feels his face burn from the comment and he doesn’t understand why it does, Niall says things like that to them all the time. The blonde seems to pick up on it too because he sits up a bit straighter in his computer chair, his blue eyes going wide.

“Wait, what happened? Something happened between you guys, didn’t it? What was it?” he asks. Louis falls back on the bed so he can hide his face and be a little bit further away from Zayn at the same time.

“Nothing,” sighs Zayn. “Every thing is the same.”

He’s not lying; things are the same, maybe even a bit better between them since that morning. Niall shakes his head, a smile coming to his face as he crosses his arms over his chest and leans back into his chair.

“I feel like there isn’t any more tension between you guys, what happened? Did you fuck?”

“Why don’t we talk about what you did last night?” cuts in Louis. “Did you and Harley fuck?”

“His name is Harry!”

“Did you guys fuck or what?” asks Zayn.

“We apparently did less than what the two of you did.”

“We didn’t do anything last night,” says Louis and honestly, that’s not a lie.

“Whatever.” Niall pouts. “You guys suck as friends.”

“Don’t be that way!” whines Louis. 

Niall turns away and Zayn rolls his eyes before standing, Niall almost doesn’t see it coming, either way he’s in a head lock and on the floor before he can do much about it. Louis sits up to get a better view.

“How’s this for being a good friend?” asks Zayn, trying to push his face into the carpet. Niall is just a bit bigger than Zayn but still has a hard time getting up and from under him. He’s smiling though as they mess around so Louis thinks it’s a good way to show what good friends they are…wrestling has always kind of been a thing for them. Until Louis noticed how he was with Zayn and he suddenly didn’t want to do it anymore. But even without him, Niall and Zayn had too much fun with it.

“I better not hear Louis and Zayn up there, Niall!” calls his mom. Niall and Zayn freeze on the floor and their all kind of holding their breath to see if she’s going to poke her head in. When she doesn’t, they all relax a bit and Niall and Zayn untangle themselves on the floor.

“We should get going before we all end up grounded,” sighs Zayn.

“No, don’t leave me!” whines Niall. It kind of breaks Louis’s heart, he hates when just one of them is grounded, kind of feels like there all grounded or something. He really does hate to leave him alone with absolutely nothing to do.

“We’ll sneak back later, yeah?” Louis says, running his fingers through the blonde’s hair. Niall sighs, watches them move towards the window.

“Don’t forget about me! Bring me some food!” he says. 

Louis smiles, all nice and slow. “We won’t forget ya! We’ll be sure to bring Harley back for you too!”

“Fuck off, Lou! His name is Harry!”

-

So he’s absolutely positive something happened between Louis and Zayn. They’re super easy going now, chill around each other like they’re finally on the same page or something, not to mention their always touching now, leaning on each other, thighs pressed together or fingers just barely grazing. Something happened and he’s almost a little hurt that they won’t tell him what. It’s their thing though, it’s _LouisandZayn_ not _LouisZaynandNiall_ so he gets it, understands that that’s how it’s going to be, that that’s how it supposed to be.

Harry is kind of the first person he wants to talk to about it. He hasn’t talked to him for two weeks and he knows the boy probably thinks he just blew him off but it’s really hard to stay in touch with someone when your mother has taken away every thing that can let you communicate with the outside world. She thought it would keep away Louis and Zayn too but that was a joke because nothing can keep those two away. That’s when he decided to send them to Harry instead, he wasn’t sure why he was so worried about hurting him. He didn’t want him to think Niall had left him to dry, had rejected him. Not when Harry was so willing to let him into his home that night and listen to all his problems like it was something he wanted to do.

“Tell him I’m grounded and I’ll talk to him as soon as I’m set free,” says Niall. Louis is grinning like an idiot and Zayn looks like he really doesn’t want to be bothered with this entire situation. 

“Don’t you know his number? We should just call him right now and you can talk to him yourself,” he sighs. Niall flushes for some reason, he thinks it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to Harry in front of them. It’s not like he and Harry flirt or anything but he feels like the boys will see it like that. He’s not ashamed or anything but he really doesn’t want to be teased for talking to him, Louis teases him enough.

“No, no! I wanna meet him, lets go to his house, Zayn!” says Louis, tugging on his sleeve. Zayn rolls his eyes, shrugging him off.

“You just want to go to his house and bother him, we don’t know this kid enough to just go banging on his door,” he mutters. Louis pouts and Zayn stares at him for a minute. Niall thinks he would feel better if they just went over too so that he can avoid the embarrassment of talking to him over the phone in front of them. Zayn sighs. “You’re a pain in my ass.”

“Yay! What’s his address Niallers!”

Niall sighs in relief and in no time there on their way. He hopes they don’t give Harry too hard of time, he tries not to regret it as he closes the window. He told Harry about Louis and Zayn, about how they can be and what they get up to, if they are completely asses, he hopes Harry can understand and still want to talk to him.

He falls back on his bed, it’s no big deal if he doesn’t, right? Besides, shouldn’t he be the one worried about Niall never talking to him again? After everything that went down he should be willing to put up with his friends after fooling Niall the way that he did. He’s brought out of his thoughts at the sound of his door opening. His dad is suddenly standing there, his face older than Niall had ever seen and Niall thinks his dad’s suddenly changed face wouldn’t have been that big of a deal if Niall had gotten to see it happen over time. Because it’s a huge change from the last time he saw him, when his face had less wrinkles and freckles, was smoother and he had way less gray hair.

He probably wouldn’t have noticed the changes like how he didn’t notice with his mom. It stirs a bitterness low in his gut and he turns his back to him, not really in the mood to talk but then again he’s never in the mood to talk to him. Niall shuts him down every time he tries.

He thinks maybe he should talk to him some times, people would kill to have their father back and he’s being ungrateful and stubborn but the thing is, his father chose to leave him so is Niall so wrong for choosing to do the same? Is it wrong for Niall to just want his dad to leave him alone? Because seeing his dad makes him think about all the things they use to do together and all the things they could have done together and its so hard to swallow the sour taste of regret and bitterness and hatred he has for him. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he says softly and he’s sounds hesitant, so unsure and Niall knows that he doesn’t have to be this way but he can’t make himself accept him, not now, maybe not ever, not after everything he put him threw.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Niall, son, look--”

Niall sits up to glare at him, anger hot and sudden in his chest. “I’m not your son anymore, you left him, remember?”

“I’m sorry! I know it was selfish but you have to see why I did it, you have to know how much I regret every minute I didn’t spend here with you and your mother!” he says, voice cracking. Niall can feel tears burning at his eyes, rage and pain pulling tight at his chest. Fuck, he can’t do this, not right now, not cornered like this with no where to turn after.

“Yeah, well, I regret it too but it’s not going to change anything. You chose to leave and I’ll be damned if I give you the chance to hurt me like that again!”

“Niall--”

“Get out!”

“We have to talk about this--”

“I said get the fuck out!”

His father freezes and a look crosses his face, maybe at Niall’s words, but he doesn’t really care. He doesn’t care if he hurt his feelings or if he’s disrespecting him. He feels like the walls are closing in on him and his heart is beating hot blood to pound loudly in his ears and he just wants him gone.

“Things would have been fine if you had never come back,” he hisses, and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he taste his tears on his lips, he wipes them away and watches as his dad nods once, maybe in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Niall,” he says before he’s backing out and closing the door behind him. He feels his body relax as soon as he’s out of sight and he falls onto the bed, suddenly exhausted. He wonders if he should just let him in, if he should try and rebuild a relationship with him but he honestly can’t find it in himself to put up the effort.

_“My dad’s back.”_

_His throat closes up just at the words alone. Louis and Zayn both look to him, twin expresses of shock on their faces._

_“Really?” asks Louis and his voice is low, barely disturbing the suddenly tense air between them. Niall nods with a sad smile, digging his toes into the carpet beneath his feet. It’s rough and laid out, smashed down from years of being walked on._

_“Did he make you cry?” asks Zayn, his eyes are narrowed, an almost quiet fury behind them, his body tense like he’s ready to spring at any moment. Niall shakes his head._

_“No, think I was too pissed, honestly,” he chuckles._

_“Your mom just let him?” asks Louis in disbelief and Niall just nods again._

_“Bastard,” hisses Zayn, “Remember what we said when he left, Lou?”_

_Louis nods, “Yeah, that we was gonna kick his ass if he hurt Niall again.”_

_Niall flushes suddenly, feels his heart swell at the thought of these two being so fiercely protective of him. He laughs, ignores the sudden tears burning in his eyes. He seriously loves these two, doesn’t know how he would have made it this far with out them._

_“What’s so funny?” whines Louis._

_“You two are fucking crazy!”_

_“We’re serious, Niall,” says Zayn. Niall sobers up a bit, something Zayn’s serious mood can make everyone do. “He better not hurt you again, if he makes you cry were gonna fuck him up.”_

_Niall snickers into his hand and he knows he shouldn’t be laughing because their serious but it’s funny to think of them actually trying to fight his dad. But the way they look out for him makes him happy and for some reason relieved and he shakes his head with a sigh._

_“Okay.”_

Niall decides, as he wipes his face into his pillow, it’s probably best not to tell them about this. He knows for a fact that they would have no problem confronting his dad and honestly no one needs that kind of drama. So he’s not going to let his father in, he can’t, besides he’s been fine these years with out him. He doesn’t need him anyway, not when he has friends like Louis and Zayn.

\- 

Louis isn’t sure what he’s expecting when the door opens but this boy surely isn’t it.

He’s all pure looking with soft curls and even softer green eyes and Louis is pretty sure he could get anyone he could ever want so he’s at a lost as to why he had to catfish some one.

He blinks a few times, confused as to why they’re there. Louis grins, pressing against Zayn’s back a bit. “Harry, right?”

The boy, Harry, shakes out his hair, brushing it to the side. “Um, yeah, what can I do for you?”

“We’re friends of Niall’s,” says Zayn. He feels a bit too tense next to him so Louis places his hand on the small of his back. Zayn has trust issues and he’s pretty sure he hasn’t liked Harry from the moment Niall said he was talking to some one over the internet. Zayn probably just wants to kick his ass right now, not really caring if he’s cool with Niall or not. 

Harry’s eyebrows go up into his curly bangs, lips forming a surprised ‘O’ and his cheeks turn just the slightest shade of pink at the mention of Niall. “Louis and Zayn?”

Louis grins, “So he’s talked about us, has he? I’m Louis.” Harry takes his hand when he holds it out, gives him a firm shake. Zayn just crosses his arms over his chest, like he couldn’t be bothered. Harry doesn’t seem to take offense from it just stuffs his hands into his pockets. “This rude ass is Zayn, we’re here to give you a little message from Niall.”

Zayn scoffs but doesn’t say anything.

“Is something wrong? Why couldn’t he come himself?”

“Because he’s grounded for another two weeks for staying out with you all night,” snaps Zayn.

“Easy, Zayn,” mutters Louis. Harry once again seems unconcerned with Zayn’s attitude towards him.

“He is? Wow, I’m sorry, we just fell asleep. I didn’t mean for that to happen. Tell him, I’m sorry, yeah?” he says. Zayn scoffs again.

“We’ll tell him, he just wants you to know he’ll be getting in touch with you the moment he can!” says Louis. He gets the enjoyment of watching his face burn bright with a deeper blush this time. He nods and opens his mouth to say something but he stops when Zayn suddenly steps forward, hand going onto the door frame and crowding into his space. Zayn is smaller than him, smaller than most guys but he has a way of probably being more intimidating than most men.

“I’m telling you now, if you _ever_ fuck with him like that again, I’ll kick your ass, got it?” he asks, his voice is low and a little bit sexy even though Louis knows its shouldn’t be. Harry actually looks intimidated for a second before the look turns to scandalized. 

“I won’t,” he says, stepping back. “I…” he stops, makes a face like he was about to say something both stupid and embarrassing. Louis kind of wishes he had. “I wouldn’t do that to him again.”

Louis steps forward, wrapping his arm around Zayn’s waist from behind and pulling him back. He nods to Harry. “Good to hear! It was nice to meet you, Harry.”

He pulls on Zayn again before he turns around, heading off the porch. Harry gives Louis a nod and a wave before closing his door. Louis grins, falling into step with Zayn as they start down the side walk. “Nice fellow, wasn’t he?”

Zayn snorts, digs into his pockets until he pulls out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “Whatever.”

“Love how you went all badass back there,” he says. He watches as Zayn’s lips tilt up around his cigarette, hand covering the flame from the wind as they walk.

“Yeah?”

Louis nods, nudges him with his elbow. “So school starts in a week, how are we going to end our summer?”

Zayn gives him a side ways glance, eyes bright and teasing under his long lashes. Louis feels his cheeks grow a bit warmer from the look.

“I could probably think of a few things.”

To Louis’s extreme embarrassment, he blushes, _hard_. His face feels so incredibly hot, his ears burning and Zayn laughs, loud and hard, his head tossed back and everything with his cigarette between his index and middle finger as he presses his hand to his stomach, his other hand covering his eyes. “Fuck, your face!”

Louis shoves him. “Come off it, you ass!”

Zayn stumbles away a bit before he switches his cigarette to his lips and wraps his arm around Louis’s shoulders, pulling him into the heat of his side. He takes a drag before removing the cigarette again and turning his head away to blow the smoke out in the opposite direction, quite the gentlemen but when he turns back he’s pressing even closer than he was before. “Babe, I’m kidding, only teasing you,” he mutters, his lips brush the shell of Louis’s ear, hot and wet, seriously not helping the situation. Louis turns his head away, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But honestly Lou, you have the dirtiest mind. I wasn’t even talking about that,” he mutters. That does nothing to help with the embarrassment and Louis has the urge to shove him away again. Zayn must feel it because his arm tightens around him, moves so that his hand is pressed to Louis’s chest, locking him in. Louis wonders what they look like right now, with them pressed so close together. With the way that Zayn’s face is tucked against his own. He thinks they probably look like proper boyfriends having a very public yet intimate moment on the side walk.

“You can remove yourself from me any time now,” he huffs. Zayn smiles against his cheek before wet lips are pressing a sloppy kiss against his temple.

“You’re such a brat,” he says as he lets him go. Louis immediately misses the contact but he feels like maybe his dignity was on the line here or something. He thinks it’s crazy what this boy can make him do, how he makes him feel. He turns and reaches his hand up just before Zayn brings his cigarette back to his mouth, Louis pulls hard on his bottom lip.

“No one gets away with calling me that,” he says. Zayn yelps in pain as he gives another hard tug, he swats at him but Louis lets go and side steps him, heading further up the side walk from him.

“That hurt, you ass!” he says, rubbing his mouth. Louis shrugs as he walks backwards, Zayn’s eyes narrow as he flicks his cigarette away and Louis grins before turning and spiriting down the sidewalk. “Yeah, you better run, you little fucker!”

Louis’s heart is racing and he’s not sure if it’s because he’s being chased or if it’s because the feet falling heavily behind him, following after him, so close and always with him are Zayn’s.


End file.
